February 12th, 2013 Burke and I eloped! Best day ever! The day had kind of started out on a rough note, so we decided to end it on an awesome one instead. We still plan to have a reception in the future but we decided to take our time and enjoy being newly married. I can honestly say, I never thought I would meet someone as amazing as Burke. I'm a very lucky girl to have such an amazing man in my life.

without words...

Heres whats up, 

I'm exhausted. I thought today was Monday... mind=lost. 
But I did make a sweet yoga bag out of an old dress.
I really, REALLY want to be able to hold crow and get into side crow. 
Why can't there be a designated "reading hour" during your workday.We get to feed our bodies, why not our brains. 
We will always have the opportunity to give back, we just have to be open to it. 
uhh, jeggings.
City O'City makes dreams come true. 

bed. 

well, i made it out of todays surgery alive. amen to that. the greatest part of this all is that in the few moments I can breathe through my nose, it is the easiest thing ever. who knew?! i'm hoping for the next 30yrs to be the healthiest of my life. so far i think i'm on the right path!

when i think of all my medical issues and chronic pain, i can't but wonder what i would be like without all of those experiences. i guess it really doesn't matter because you can't put much stock into the "what ifs" and "if onlys. i think if you want to make yourself crazy go ahead... i might have had to learn that one the hard way a few times.

holy random tangent (i bet you couldn't guess i'm on pain meds...)

anywho- i am so excited to be able to run without feeling horrible congested and having a terrible time breathing through my nose. i guess that will all come after the blackening eyes heal and i can sleep laying down again.

for now I am going to embrace this extra time i have for creating art and crafting the sh!t out of my supplies.

ps. didn't hospital have a sweet floor?! i'm going to thank the floor for pleasantly distracting me from the the needle being stuck into my arm.

pss. it only took the nurse one try to get my IV in! just one! that is way better than the 7 tries it usually takes.

“It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. 
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive. 
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. 
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human. 
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy. 
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence. 
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!” 
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. 
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. 
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. 
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.” 
― Oriah Mountain Dreamer

birthday number 2-9 was amazing! 


i don't think i could have asked for it to be any better. my friends are some of the most amazing and thoughtful caring people in this world (yes, world... i might even go as far to say universe). i'm not sure what i did to deserve them but i am grateful. here is to a healthy(fingers crossed)& happy next 29 years! 

life, its hard.

goodness, is life ever a struggle. it has to be so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel for some. what i find to be interesting is that, we often look at other peoples trials and say, "i'm so glad thats not me" and many times i think the feeling is mutual. i also think through our trials we can become so strong. its a very personal time in life. if we allow it to, it will change us. sometimes and i always hope it changes me/you for the best. i hope to never become bitter because of the path that i am on and many times chose. 

i know it must be the most annoying thing to hear, but SO MUCH good can come from some of the darkest times in our lives. our dark times can bring us right back to where we need to be. it will prepare us for what is to come. it makes us the individuals we are meant to be. it can bring a true appreciation to the small moments. 

sometimes i hear defeat in someones voice as they vent their frustrations, feeling so torn and almost ashamed for things in life that they have no control over. whether its our health. our financial well being. our personal relationships. why feel shame? why so guilty? why so much blame? we will never have complete control of our lives. no matter what, our bodies are going to fall apart. no matter what, we might be let go from a job. no matter what, we change and we grow- sometimes people grow apart. it just is. there is no what if. sometimes life just happens and we don't understand why right away. 

sometimes we can look back and have great understanding of why. i guess some can't and sadly never will. i can't help but to appreciate all of it. my health, my own little insecurities, my broken hearts, the hearts i've broke, the horrible jobs, the toxic relationships, the financial struggles, the feelings of complete defeat. it all sucks. i can say this, every moment is worth it. 

ps. cats with laser beam eyes can make everything better. i promise.